#WednesdayWisdom #034: What If Married-Folk Started Protesting Against Their Spouse’s Behavior Like Colin Kaepernick?

Everybody has an opinion on San Francisco 49ers’ quarterback, Colin Kaepernick’s, protest by refusing to stand during the national anthem. Kaepernick started his protest to shine a national spotlight on…and bring change to…America’s perceived wrong-doings against black and brown people it’s supposed to be serving and protecting. Most people I know agree with his message. Even if they don’t agree with him, they respect his right to protest for what he believes. But what if married-folk started protesting against their spouse’s behavior in the same way?

For example, what if a husband wanted to shine a spotlight on…let’s say…his perception that his wife was intentionally withholding affection and constantly being disrespectful? What if…in protest…he decided to stop wearing his wedding ring until she started giving him the affection and respect he felt he deserved? Or…what if a wife wanted to shine a spotlight on…let’s say…her perception that her husband was continually disregarding her feelings and completely ignoring her input in his decisions? What if…in protest…she decided to move out of the house and get an apartment until she felt he started showing her the consideration and respect she felt she deserved? (I know a woman who did this) How do you feel about Colin’s protest now? If my wife did that to me (please Lord Jesus keep it nigh not my dwelling), I’d be blaming her for all the problems in our marriage. I’d be bringing up all the stuff she’d done wrong in her life. I’d dig in her past and try to find some history of psychological deviance. I’d be talking about how good she really has it…and how thankful she should be to be called a ‘Wiggins’. In short, I’d be responding just like some Americans are to Kaepernick’s protest. I’d be so pissed that she had the audacity to shine a spotlight on a problem she has with me – like I’m not the great man/husband I think I am…or at least the man I want people to think I am. But most importantly, my outrage would prohibit me from recognizing the fact that my wife actually has a problem with how I treat her. And I’d be totally downplaying my contribution to her problem…like’it’s all in her head’. Thus, I wouldn’t even be tryna hear about me needing to change. Protests, like Kaepernick’s, are meant to dismantle the belief system and behavior of the dominant spouse. It tries to tear-down the belief that…everything you believed that stood for truth, justice, and the marital way is actually discrimination and suppression put in place to maintain your power and control in the relationship. Protests reverberate the message, ‘if you don’t change your ways, I will revolt in opposition to you and your systemic discrimination against me’. Listen…nobody likes to hear their spouse say that your behavior is oppressive. But what’s far worse than having your ego bruised by the accusation…is ignoring the clarion call to change your oppressive behavior and expecting your spouse to just shut up, take your treatment, and be thankful it’s not worse.

What’s missing in this situation is a lack of empathy…the capability to understand the feelings and concerns of another. Not having empathy exalts your worldview above another. And how can you live in the same land and maintain a happy peaceful relationship with someone when they fail to be considerate of your deep-felt concerns about how they are being treated. You can’t…without a revolution.

#WednesdayWisdom

If you want to avoid a Colin Kaepernick style protest within your marriage, you had better start listening to your spouse and being more empathetic to their concerns about how you’re treating them. Otherwise your marriage might end up just as divided as America is over Kaepernick’s protest. And nobody wants to live on the same land underneath those segregated conditions.

ps. the woman who moved out ended up getting divorced years later because she never felt her husband change his consideration for her feelings.Contact me for speaking engagement @ Contact me for speaking engagement @ info@HisLeadershipHerTrust.com.