I don’t know if Jay-Z cheated on Beyoncé or not. But if…Jay-Z cheated on Beyoncé…if you can’t be satisfied with one of the baddest chicks on the face of this earth…then there’s something inherently wrong with you.
Truth be told, there’s something inherently wrong with all of us. I’ve never cheated on my wife. But it’s not that I couldn’t. I just told myself when I was single that I didn’t want to cheat on my wife – whoever she would be. But after I got married, I realized that…just because my wife looks good – doesn’t mean Becky-with-the-good-hair doesn’t.
As a happily married man for 18 years, natural attractions to and for other women can’t be stopped. But they can be managed. So I implemented a fail-safe measure to prevent myself from cheating. I cock-block myself. (Forgive the crassness, but dudes get-it… and need to understand what I’m saying).
The bible warns me not to put ‘any confidence in my flesh’. Meaning, ‘don’t think I can withhold myself from something I physically want, but shouldn’t have’. Given my background, if I’m in the right environment…or in the right situation, I could possibly cheat on my wife. I don’t kid myself by thinking I’m strong enough…or my love runs deep enough…to not do it. Many men have fallen prey to that false confidence. So I cock-block myself and stay away from these four things.
- Stay away from familiar environments. House parties were my thing. Add some Jungle Juice and drinking games…it was on-and-poppin’. Now married, I cock-block myself by staying away from those environments. They’re too familiar. I’ll likely go into auto-pilot and revert back to my single days. I’d like to believe I wouldn’t. But I don’t want to find out I can’t.
- Stay away from tempting women. There have only been a handful of attractive women I’ve met since I’ve been married that I prayed, “Lord, please don’t ever let me see her again”. And I meant it. Something about them made me ponder things a happily married man shouldn’t be pondering. So I cock-block myself by avoiding interaction with them. To some, this may seem drastic. But I don’t put any confidence in my ability not to charm, woo, or unleash this mack-game I’ve spend years suppressing.
- Stay away from your mischievous friends. You’ll be friends for life. But some of your friends need to be quarantined to that past life…not your future. Because they have a way of talking you into being who you were back-in-the-day. You can still be friends, but cock-block yourself by refusing to meet up with them in Vegas…or the club…like you use to when you were single.
- Stay away from tempting places. One of my wife’s friends invited us to her 50th birthday trip to Brazil. “OH…HECK…NAW! I’m not going.” I told her. “The thick-ery…that complexion…those bikinis…is way too tempting for me. I can’t do it.” She was like, “You’d mess up your marriage just for one night with some woman?” “No! That’s why I’m not going.” Meaning, ‘I don’t know what would happen if I went.’ My wife felt some kinda way about that. But I don’t care! I don’t put any confidence in my flesh that I won’t pull a Richey from Harlem Night, and be like “Look-it…I ain’t never coming home no more. Take it easy.” So if I have to avoid a country full of tempting women, all she needs to do is respect it and appreciate the fact that I love her enough to cock-blocked myself by not going in the first place.
Every husband has his own weaknesses and temptations when it comes to other women. And we all deal with them in different ways. But whatever you do, have a plan so that you’re never in a situation where you are weakened by the temptation…and you have to rely on your flesh to prevent you from cheating.
#WednesdayWisdom
Don’t think of yourself more highly than you should by putting confidence in your flesh to prevent you from cheating. Cock-block yourself to make sure you’re never in a situation for it to happen.
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Wow, then you really are weak to have to do all of that to avoid cheating on your wife and you disrespected her all throughout this email by basically saying that other races of women are more beautiful than her. My respect level for Black men (all except my father of course) is at an all time low.
A wise man knows his weaknesses and does not delude himself to believe otherwise. Yes I am weak in certain areas. Who’s not?! Show me the person who claims they are strong at everything…I’ll show you the person who’s prideful and doesn’t have close personal relationships. I think it’s honorable that…for 18 years…I have been willing to go to such lengths out of respect for my wife. Is that worthy of lowering black men’s respect level?
I do, however, understand why you think I’m disrespecting my wife by saying that other women are “more beautiful” (your words…not mine) than my wife. I said “just because my wife looks good – doesn’t mean Becky-with-the-good-hair doesn’t.” I acknowledge both look good…not that one is more beautiful than the other. But I understand how you can think that I am preferring others over my wife. But what you don’t understand is…as a man…the compulsion that drives men to attractive women. It’s not about my wife’s beauty…or another woman’s beauty. If Jay-Z can be attracted to someone other than Beyonce, who is arguably the finest woman in world, then it’s not about how good Bey looks vs. how good Becky looks. It’s about the compulsion that drives a man. A compulsion that every man understands is there and has a responsibility to manage. Some men manage it better than others.
If you don’t get it, that’s okay. My wife doesn’t get it either. But yall don’t have to. It’s a man’s responsibility. And you’re not a man. So as long as I get it…and manage it appropriately for the betterment of my wife…that’s all that matters.
Majority of Black men have a serious spiritual disfunction.
Love this… Great insight!
I love the transparency and the offensive type of approach. It’s good hear someone prevent things before hand instead of apologizing afterwards. If my husband told me what you said I would totally respect it. Just like I can’t go see a sexual movie with Taye Diggs in it lol! It doesn’t mean I don’t love my husband, but the mind can take you places you can’t come back from.