#WednesdayWisdom #015: Domestic Violence in the Church Can’t Always Be Prayed Away…

I already completed today’s #WednesdayWisdom. All I had to do was proofread and post. Then I saw this report about gospel singer, James Fortune’s, guilty plea to third degree felony assault for assaulting his wife back in 2014.

Given my last rant about Israel Houghton’s divorce from his wife of 20 years, it might seem like I’m coming for gospel artist who are not perfect and make mistakes. No…not today. It is clear that hitting you wife with a wooden vanity stool, kicking her, and throwing her against the wall is every-way-from-Sunday wrong. There aren’t enough adjectives to express how wrong that is. But let’s step back and look at the larger issue of domestic violence within the Christian community.

Frankly, I haven’t experienced domestic violence in my life. So I don’t claim to be an expert on what to do or where to turn. But here’s what I do know. Domestic violence doesn’t start out as domestic violence. It’s a gradual progression that evolves. From what I’ve read, it usually dates back to some childhood event(s), and is triggered by some current stimuli that sets it off. Something that goes back that far, and has such a devastating effect on your loved ones, must be dealt with by therapy.

Just because you believe that Jesus Christ is your Lord and Savior, and you can sing and make hit records, doesn’t exempt you from still being bound by the ‘sin that so easily besets you’. You’re going to need more than your pastor praying for you. For…after the pastor prays, you need to go get therapy. And I’m not talking about pastoral counseling. God-bless-em, but pastors are not trained to handle the deep emotional exploration that needs to be done to get to the root of the problem. They’re not trained how to handle all of the deep emotional issues that will come up as a result of what is discovered. Licensed therapists are. They have specific training on how to deal with all that stuff.

So if you are a Christian and you’re committing domestic violent acts towards your mate, you need to get therapy if you ever want to stop. If you keep telling yourself and your mate, “I won’t do it again”, then you’re lying to both of you if you don’t get therapy. And if you are in a relationship where someone is committing acts of domestic violence against you, you first need to get to a safe place…free from physical harm. Do whatever reporting needs to be done (i.e., notify the authorities; contact a Domestic Violence help line). But don’t let any reconciliation take place without your mate committing to intensive therapy to deal with their abusive nature.

#WednesdayWisdom

Domestic violence in the Church can’t always be prayed away. Intensive therapy is necessary if the abuser ever wants to be set free from the aggression that has them bound.

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