When I was doing research for my book, His Leadership Her Trust, I came cross two brothers, Herbert and Stuart Dreyfus, who did some research on the difference between how novices make decisions vs. how experts make decision. They identified a five-stage pathway from being a novice to becoming an expert decision maker:
- Novice – you unconditionally follow all the rules
- Advanced Beginner – You begin creating and identifying situational rules instead of just following unconditional rules
- Competence – You recognize patterns in the situational rules and start following principles and guidelines
- Proficiency – Because of your experience, you recall similar past situations that help make decisions on current situations
- Expert – Your experience is so vast that current situations have an automatic intuitive decision/action associated with it
Your pathway from a novice to an expert decision maker is forged through your ability to transition from unconditionally following the rules…to intuitively knowing which rules to follow and how to follow them given the situations. And on this path to becoming an expert decision maker, you must allow for stupid mistakes. For, stupid mistakes…and the lessons learned from them…give you the opportunity to learn what not to do. The more you learn what not to do, the quicker you’ll intuitively learn which rules to follow and which to ignore #ExpertStatus.
In your relationship, give ground and grace for your mate to make stupid mistakes and learn from them. Allow your mate to grow from being a novice to an expert decision maker. Stop trying to control everything…so he/she doesn’t make mistakes. But, as much as possible, encourage the freedom for your mate to try different ways and means…so you both can learn from the stupid mistakes you encounter along life’s journey together. Your relationship will be much better off in the long run if both of you grow into becoming expert decision makers…rich in life experiences and wisdom from stupid mistakes you made, rather than a timid narrow-minded couple afraid to take risks out of fear of being wrong. You owe it to yourself to live life fuller than that.
#WednesdayWidsom
To become an expert decision making couple that knows what to do, you must first learn from your stupid mistakes what not to do
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