The story goes like this…

James and Melissa (Mel) were in year 0 of their marriage. They had only been married a few months. One issue they had to deal with was how James was going to handle his past relationships with women…many who Mel knew.

After much discussion (mostly James trying to explain why those women weren’t a factor anymore…and Mel not buying it) they came to an agreement that he would only have cordial relationships with them. Not a problem. I could cut those chicks back further.

But on the flip side, Mel had some dudes she needed to cut back too. Specifically, her ex-boyfriend, who we’ll call Jackass.

When James and Mel got engaged, Mel had some kinda feelings for Jack, because they were once in love. Even though they rarely saw each other and only spoke on the phone every now and then, James knew Jack was still running-game…because he recognized it. Therefore, James knew…that Jack still thinks…he could still get her back if he wanted to (know what I mean).

James knew they still kept in touch by phone every not and then. He didn’t mind as long he respected him as a her husband. After all, Mel had to see some of his old buns around the way.

The Incident

Sooo…one day Jack made his move. He hit Mel with the, “You know I still love you.” But, like a good wife, Mel immediately told James about it.

“You either shut it down…or I’m gonna shut it down!” James demanded.
“I’ll shut it down.” she conceded. So Mel told Jack that she told her husband and she couldn’t talk to him anymore.

So one night, a couple months later, Jame was in the living room say my prayers before going to bed. Mel was asleep in bed. While praying James nods off to sleep. But while he was sleep, he had a dream of Mel talking on the phone to Jack.

He suddenly wakes up. Mad! The dream felt more like a vision. And since he was praying when it happened, he figured it was a sign from the Lord. So James rushed into the bedroom.

“Melissa! Melissa!” he belts as he nudges her shoulder.
“Huh?” she said as she looked back at me.
“Did you talk to Jack today?”
“What?
“DID YOU TALK TO JACK TODAY?
“Uh…yeah.” she said puzzled and reluctantly.
He blew up! “OMG…We talked about this!!!
I told you not to…blah blah blah!!!
And you weren’t supposed to…blah blah blah!!!”
Then the thought hit him. “Wait a minute,” he paused, “…did you call him or did he call you?”
“I called him because…” she replied.
Jame hit the roof. “OMG! How dare you!!! You tellin’ me about how I’m supposed to be around these women I use to mess with and you going behind my back a calling dude!!!”

The rest of what was said is classified. But just know…he read her the riot act. From that moment, she knew never to do anything like that again because God was going to tell on her.

The Morale of the Story

What’s the morale of this story? As a leader in a relationship, wherever there’s a point of contention, YOU must

1. Set the standard of conduct for the relationship regarding that issue. The standard must apply to both of you and be agreed upon by both of you. Then…
2. Exemplify the standard, and
3. Hold each other accountable to the standard.

If Jame would have been out there running-game on one of his old-buns…just to see if he still got it…he would have been just like Jack…and just as wrong as Mel. Instead of openness, trust, and compromise, he would have set and exemplified the standard where they both sneak around and have inappropriate conversations with their old-buns. And that would have been what his new wife of 0 years would have been following – even if she never found out.

But because he was exemplifying the standard they set, he had the moral authority to check her on it and hold her accountable to the standard they both agreed to.

#WednesdayWisdom

As a leader, you have to set the standard for your relationship and be the guardian of them. If you set the standards and breach them yourself, then you lose the moral authority to lead.

Contact me for speaking engagement @ info@HisLeadershipHerTrust.com.