Yesterday was a very important day. Major! I mean…corporate navy blue suit…major. I had to give a presentation at our annual conference at 10:30am. I get to my desk at 6:10am. Hang up my suit jacket. Take off my walking-shoes and break out my office shoes…and my portable shoe shine kit to tighten up my kicks (yes I keep a shoe shine kit at my desk. You don’t???) All is quiet. All of a sudden,
”HELLO HEATH!” someone loudly bellows above my head. I jump! What the…?
It’s Sir Talk-A-Lot! Standing over my cube. Looking down at me…Tool-man Tim’s neighbor-style…only his nose and eyes visible. How did he get here (>o[? I usually hear him coming! And how long has he been standing there???
“Did I startle ya?”
“Uhhh…yeah! I’m glad I wasn’t doing something nefarious.” I reply. He laughs.
“Favor? I’m out next week. Can you water the plants?” Uh-oh! The last time he asked me to water the plants, he felt it necessary to show me how to open a juice box (you have to read it for yourself to understand). So, I was hoping he wasn’t about to give me a remedial lesson. He didn’t. But he did supply me with instructions on how many ounces of water each plant needs, a water bottle, and where to go get the water. You guessed it…the bathroom.
That wasn’t that bad…I thought, as he walks away. Then I hear the dreaded sound of halted footsteps. A u-turn. And an inbound approach. Tool-man Tim style…he looks over my cube, “Taking the kids to Disney World in Florida next week…”
Oh…boy! *Dana Dane-style* Here we go!
He goes in. First he starts talking about his premium timeshare. He gives me his analysis of the points system vs. the weeks system vs. the trading-value system…while I’m yet shining my shoes. When he finishes, he walks away. Or should I say…he takes 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. steps away before he u-turns and picks up right where he left off. He does that twice more.
Sometime during his analysis, I slip back on my freshly shined shoes. But oh-my gosh! My finger nails are ratchet. I can’t give a presentation with ratchet finger nails. So, while Sir Talk-A-Lot moves to the entry way of my cube and transitions to the topic of radio signals…I break out my finger nail clipper and cuticle remover and proceed to give myself a manicure. All 10 fingers! (WHAT? You don’t have a fingernail clipper and cuticle remover at your desk???)
After I finished that, and clean up my desk, Sir Talk-A-Lot did…what shall hereafter be termed…‘the u-turn’ three more times. One time, I tried to make a run for it. Upon his departure, I quietly get up from my chair. Hunched over…on my tippy-toes…runaway slave-style, I head for daylight. I take one step towards the opening in my cube. I’m about to make that hard left down the aisle towards freedom. Uh-oh! I hear the u-turn. Can I make it? He’s closing too fast! FAIL! I was a half a step shy of my cube entryway. I felt like I just missed the rally point for the Underground Railroad. And for my punishment, it wasn’t the whip to the back. It wasn’t chopping off half my foot. It was the riveting subject of oil viscosity.
Several u-turns later, he finally left for good. All in all, it was 8 u-turns in a 40 minute period. I was finally free…able to prepare for my presentation. And I killed-it. When you get a room full of Office Directors engaging and laughing with you during your presentation, then you’ve done a good job…Sir Talk-A-Lot’s intrusion notwithstanding.