What I won’t do…is apologize for being me. I definitely won’t apologize for feeling the way I do. And I most certainly won’t apologize for doing what God put me on earth to do.
I guess I’ve been emboldened by U.S. House Representative Alcee Hastings. In a committee hearing, the Democrat from Florida said Texas was a “crazy state”. When a Republican Texas Rep. asked for an apology, Hastings said, “You will wait until hell freezes over for me to say anything in an apology…”
Hastings is my new hero.
Let me re-introduce myself. My name is Heath Wiggins, a Relationship Consultant who empowers men to become the kind of man a woman trusts, respects, and actually wants to follow. And I do not apologize for that.
Where is this coming from?
When I write articles about how men can improve themselves and their relationship, I get dinged by people who say I’m male-bashing, blaming men for all relationship problems, or not being fair because I’m not holding women accountable too.
Fa-real? That’s how you feel tho?
So…you know everything about relationships and how to execute it perfectly? Your father taught you how to be a man, husband, and father and you don’t need anyone teaching you anything? Your girl is perfectly happy with you. You’re doing everything right in your relationship and there’s no room for improvement?
Or…are you like the rest of us — stumbling and bumbling our way through life. Making and adjusting plans on the fly. Hoping she doesn’t find out some of us are making it up as we go.
Listen. It’s simple math. How you gonna have between 72%-67% of African American families being led by single moms for the last 40+ years and not have some kind of impact on the valuing and perception of relationships, roles, and responsibilities. That’s two generations! Traditional relationship skills were made obsolete. Children adapted and created new norms and rules to survive and thrive.
Now, this hefty majority of black children are adults…dating, marrying, and having children. And they’re bringing old relationship values and perceptions into new relationships…expecting different results than their parents. Some are successful. Others are struggling. Some fail outright. But everybody needs help figuring out what will make their relationship work.
I’m one of those hefty majorities. My parents separated when I was 13. My dad was and still is very active in my life and is an excellent father. I won’t apologize for that.
I’ve been married to my wife for 17 years and we have a wonderful marriage. I won’t apologize for that.
For some reason, God has chosen to give me great wisdom regarding relationships and how to make them work. I won’t apologize for that.
Women made it clear: they don’t want to follow a man they don’t trust. And I am determine to use the wisdom He gave me to help men share in the successes I’ve experienced in my marriage by prosecuting their ignorance with the knowledge and skills to become the man a woman trusts and actually wants to follow. And I’m definitely not apologizing for that.
Like Alcee Hasting, don’t make apologies for who you are. If people don’t like the gifts and calling in which you are walking, then they are not your target audience you’re supposed to help. But someone is. So keep doing you. The people who need you will find you. Here are five things you can do to walk boldly in the truth of who you are.
- Don’t minimize your past, no matter how ratchet or glamorous.
- With courage, take a position and hold your ground.
- Prosecute your ignorance by continuing to educate yourself in the area in which you are focusing.
- Accept and embrace opposition…because it’s coming your way whether you like it or not.
- Care…but not that much. Meaning, care that your message is being received. But don’t care so much that you change your message to target people who are not supposed to be receiving it. You will ultimately lose your intended audience.
Follow
So well said Brother Wiggins. The sad thing is that the state of our society has “dumbed down” God’s standards for marriage for the reasons you listed above and some. When someone doesn’t acknowledge God’s ways nor respect His word as the ultimate foundation for marriage, but instead make their own experiences, opinions and efforts the basis for its failure or success, it produces irresponsibility & self-righteousness. Those who choose to take responsibility and be accountable for God’s way of doing things, are often criticized for doing so and expected to apologize for non-conformity to the norm. Ignorance is a choice when truth has been made available. (Romans 1:20)
If it isn’t number “1” on the list, security is what many women desire more than anything in a marriage. Most women will have no problem submitting (yes, I said it) or following a man who she knows has her best interest at heart and demonstrates this in humility (being willing to seek out what he doesn’t know Proverbs 18:22 ). And yes, this means she must trust that her husband will love her “as” Christ loved his wife (with an Agape (unconditional) Love). It doesn’t mean she isn’t equally responsible for her role to him as 1 Pet 3 and 1 Corinthians 7 states because we are all held accountable to the truth we know. In the context of marriage, Jesus died for his bride before she ever submitted to (or followed) him. God will not feed a closed mouth nor speak to ears covered by the hands of pride. So no apology necessary.
I’m smiling. Thank you, yet again, for your encouraging words. You are right on point with your comments. I wish you and Brother Winston all our best and god-speed in your ministry. Looking forward to talking with you again.