So it’s 6:20am. My body is still reeling from an 809 calorie-burning workout last night. My lower back is sore. My hip is glitchy. My stomach is growling. And I’m sleepy. The last thing I need this morning is a Mayweather 12-rounder with Sir Talk-A-Lot. So when I hear him come in the door this morning, I try to figure out how I can avoid going round after round with him about his weekend and the Navy Yard shootings. But I’m too tired and sore to think or move quickly. If he comes over right away, I’m caught. Luckily he doesn’t. So I have time to think. 30 seconds. 1 minute. I better come up with something quick or else I’m doomed.

In my bewildered state, the only thing I can think of is…that’s right…get up under this desk. So I slowly kneel down to my hands and knees and crawl under my desk. But this position is sore on my knees. I roll to my side and put my weight on my right elbow. And it just so happen to be the side of my glitchy hip. Now I’m doing side planks. Add to the situation…all this jostling around is causing my badge around my neck to swing and make a jingling noise. I want to switch to a more comfortable position but it’s too late. I hear footsteps. It’s Sir Talk-A-Lot.

I grab my badge with my left hand. He’s right outside my cube. I can feel him peeks over my partition to see if I’m there. I’m not! I’m under the desk…sucka! Next I hear water. He’s watering Forrest, the plant outside my desk. I hear a sound, ‘click clack’. The door opens. It’s Melissa. She speaks. He speaks. Then they stop and talk right outside my desk. I’m like…”Oh no!” I’m still doing a side plank. And I’m starting to feel the burn in my shoulder. Melissa moves on. So does Sir Talk-A-Lot. But I’m staying put. I know this scene ain’t over. He’s known to double back and catch a brutha unaware. And that’s exactly what he did.

45 seconds later he doubled back. All the while, I’m still holding my side plank. And I’m feeling the burn now. My shoulder is trembling – you know that tremble that occurs right before your muscles give-way. Well that’s happening. I hear water. He’s watering Forrest again. My shoulder is on fire now. He’s still watering. My hip and back are screaming! He’s still watering. My shoulder is blaaaazing right now. He still watering. I’m trembling like a mugg up under this desk. He finally stops and walks away. I let go of my badge and put my left hand down for some support. I stay put for another minute to make sure the coast is clear. Then I start the process of recoiling to a standing position. After all this, I’m confident that I burned a combined 859 calories from last night and this morning.

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