When Heath Wiggins approached me about offering a “feminine voice” to His Leadership Her Trust, I was more than happy to participate. I have known Heath for a long time, thirty-plus years. We were students at the same high school and his sister, Allison, and I were classmates. Although he was a year behind me in school, we were always friendly and I remember him as being a thoughtful and funny guy. Over the years, we have been in and out of touch but, thanks to the wonders of technology and the internet, we have had the distinct pleasure of reconnecting.
I began keeping track of Heath and his lovely wife, Bernie, through Facebook. They had launched their Family Bootcamp and I found it fascinating. It was so exciting to see another couple who was passionate about marriage and willing to create venues to help other couples work through the hard work of marriage. While I was busy with my own family affairs, I tried to take time to check in to see what the Wiggins family was up to! Every once and awhile, I would contact Heath to pick his brain about an issue, comment on one of his pieces, or to share my viewpoint on a hot topic. We discovered during our chats that we shared a mutual passion for strengthening and supporting marriages. While we have different approaches and vastly different stories to tell, there is a lot of common ground to share.
Let me tell you about myself. I’m a wife, and mother but I am also a woman, a writer, and a passionate and loyal champion of marriage and family. I have been married to my husband and friend, Bhek, for almost 18 years. Together, we have produced two beautiful and very talented daughters, ages 13 and 15. Bhek and I began our journey as husband and wife in the church. In order to prepare for marriage, we read, studied, attended conferences, and attended pre-marital counseling sessions together. For many years now, we have served and participated in marriage ministries both inside and outside of church. And let me tell you, I am so glad that we did. We come from very different backgrounds and we have had to work harder than hard to keep it all together. From the very beginning, we have endeavored to apply God’s principles to our marriage. But guess what? IT IS NOT EASY!!!!
I firmly believe that the husband is the head of the home. But I also believe that husband and wife are joint heirs in the endeavor. By this I mean that there is an inherent sense of equality as you both stand before God. Words like “leader”, “head”, “submission”, “fairer sex”, “weaker vessel” often set off explosive debates about who should be doing what. And often, the concept of the “servant-leader” gets lost in the attempt to define “leadership” as it relates to the relationship between husband and wife. But for both husband and wife, it takes a strong yet humble and flexible spirit in order to begin to execute properly. Each mate has very distinctive roles to play that are elastic and malleable. Marriage demands a very high level of commitment, patience, and sacrifice. Many people take on the mantle of marriage without understanding the demands that it will require. It requires adaptability.
In sharing my perspective on HLHT, I bring with me an added dimension that always affects a marriage: parenthood! Parenthood changes the rules of marriage. As I hope to share later, parenthood magnifies and multiplies the duties of leadership. Having children most certainly forces you one step higher in the evolutionary purpose in marriage: to learn, on multiple levels, to live selflessly outside of yourself.
I look forward to sharing my voice on HLHT concerning the topic of leadership in marriage. And don’t be afraid – I don’t plan on making this an opportunity to “man bash”. There is plenty of work to go around! I only hope that my voice will add balance, flavor and perhaps a different perspective that will be helpful in navigating the sometimes choppy seas of matrimony! Hope to talk to you all soon!
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