So I’m having lunch with two post-college young ladies I’ve known since they were children. They’re cousins. Let’s call them Mia (23) and Tina (21). I’m doing my ‘so how’s life’ check up I regularly do with them.
The topic of men comes up. Mia says, “You’ve heard of a side chick right?
“Yea.”
“Well, I have a side dude.”
“Skert! Hold up! Wait! Side dude? What is that?” I ask with furrowed brow, hoping she’s not burrowing a hole into that shady side of life.
“Nooo…it’s not like thaaat.” I exhale…somewhat relieved. “Ya knooow when you…like…don’t have a maaan—and there’s some guy that kinda likes yooou, but he’s not really that seriouuus, but that’s okay because you’re not really into him eitheeer…and you’re just waiting for a guy to come along that you’re interested innnn? Yeah. That’s a side dude.”
Eyes wide open…looking at her like, ‘Did you really just say that to me’? She smiles back. Tina laughs.
I compose myself to respond to this revelatory phenomenon. “Sooo…you have a side dude, but you don’t have a main dude?”
“Right.”, she says cheerfully as she plays with the straw in her Shirley Temple.
“Sooo…a side dude is just a place holder until you find a main dude…”
“…and then I kick side dude to the curb”, she concludes.
I look at Tina. She shrugs her shoulders. I look at Mia. She’s sipping her Shirley Temple.
That got me thinking. I think I was a side dude? That’s kinda messed up—to be considered second string even though the starting spot is vacant.
Ladies, help me out with this. Have you heard of this before? Or is this a new school Generation Y concoction? Do you agree or disagree?
I’m going to write an article to help my brothas out entitled, “How Not to be a Side Dude”. What should I put in it?
Yes “side dudes” do exist. that’s all i’m saying. Great post!
Unfortunately, this concept of a side dude is nothing new. I’m happily married now but I have to admit that I to had a side dude too when I met my now husband of 18 years. Looking back it’s not something I’m proud of but I use the experience and minister to young ladies about saving themselves for the man God sends them. Rather they call it side dude, my friend or friend with benefits (FWB) it’s still not a way for a young lady to put herself out there. My advice to young ladies refrain and maintain your virtues as a young ladies.
Men do it all the time and get praised but are shocked when they find out that women do it too. Like someone said, it’s nothing new. Women are just not as vocal with their dirt. Now I don’t advocate having a “side” anything, but I understand.
No, nothing new.
I don’t agree with it. I firmly believe a “side dude” blocks your blessing. I often use the analogy if I have one seat available but someone is sitting in it, how can that someone special come and sit in that seat? It’s not going to happen.
When I was single, meaning not in a relationship, I just dated. If my potential suitor didn’t possess what I deemed necessary “quality wise” to be my man I was upfront and honest with that. I didn’t string any one along or waste their time and/or money.
Ummm….NO!!!
What she described is most definitely NOT A SIDE DUDE.
Because as the author hinted, one can’t have a “side” without first having a “main”.
I mean, exactly who is he the “side” to?
What this woman calls her side dude is nothing more than what us older folks have always known as the Friend With Benefits. That’s it.