Sir Talk-a-Lot Update:
Determined not to get caught by Sir Talk-a-Lot today, I was ready. I had a plan. Plan A and plan B.
So I get to my office door. Unlock it. Open it…and see that the light was already on. OH SNAP! Is he here already? I peeked my head into the office to see if his office light was on. It wasn’t. Whew! I was the first on here. Plan A still in effect.
I get-it to me desk and quickly connect my computer. I don’t want him to hear me rustling and bustling when he arrives. Done. I rig my desk for ultra-quiet mode. Now I sit and wait.
In the still of the morning, and the nervousness of anticipation, I conjure up Plan C: when he enters thru the back door…I’ll exit thru the front door. I jumped up and headed to the front door. I stand perched…hand on door knob… waiting for him to enter thru the back door.
But what if today, I consider, he decides to enter thru the front door? Then I’m eyeball to eyeball with Sir Talk-a-Lot. And there goes my morning. So I abandon Plan C and revert back to Plan A.
Shortly after I got back to my desk, the door opens. It’s him. Plan A on deck. I push my chair back. Crouching Tiger-style, I get-it over to the conference room. My plan was to close the door. But if he sees the door closing, he’ll get suspicious and come investigate. So I leave it open.
But now I’m exposed. So I get-it against the wall – plastered there…like a child hiding in plain sight from their parent. Fail. I look up underneath the conference room table. “Oh H no…I’m not doing that again”. So I took the more dignified approach, I hid behind a shelter-in-place emergency supply cabinet.
I stayed there for a minute or so before I resurfaced and headed for the door to investigate. Then I heard him call my name. “Heath?”
Freeze! I said to myself, “Get-it against the wall – hiding-in-plain-sight-style! Too exposed! Relocate! Get-it behind the door! But it’s open! So what! Get-it behind the door anyway… peek thru the crack”. My heart’s beating like a mug. “Calm…Calm…Calm”, I tell myself in order to calm my breathing.
I heard some rustling…and some walking, but it eventually subsided. Coast is clear. I return to my desk…still in ultra-quiet mode. No typing…no moving…no nothing. I got-it hiding-in-the-closet-when-your-girlfriend’s-mother-comes-home-early-from-work quiet (some of you know what I’m talking about).
All of a sudden, I hear the thundering sound of footsteps approaching at high rate of speed. All Stop! They footsteps stop right beside my desk. It’s Sir Talk-a-Lot watering that plant, Lil Forrest.
With my cell phone in my hand, I turn down the volume to vibrate. But it makes that loud vibrate sound. Oh no! He probably heard that! I close my eyes and hang my head low – shaking it in defeat – knowing I’ve been caught. But then I hear footsteps walk away. Thank God! He didn’t hear it.
A few minutes later, my office phone rings. It’s my wife. I quickly pick it up, “Hello.”
“Heath? What’s wrong with your voice?”
“I’m whispering? Gotta go. I’ll talk to you later.”
Can’t take no chances!