I just helped one of my clients break up with his girlfriend.
Derwyn and Lisa (we’ll call them) were in a 2-year long distance relationship. They both love each other. But Derwyn’s complaint was that Lisa wasn’t showing enough commitment to their relationship. She’d text him “Good morning” every other day or so and that was basically it.
All he was asking was for Lisa to commit to calling him once a day…at a time of her choosing. But she couldn’t be consistent with that.
So I helped Derwyn tweak the break up email he wrote her (since he could never reach her by phone) to make sure it conveyed his true feelings.
Then there’s Terrence (we’ll call him). He’s been married to Tory for 4-years. And He’s completely oblivious to Tory’s need for affection. She kept reaching out to him…telling him that she needs more attention from him. But all he focused on was controlling her spending. So Tory started shutting down emotionally and withdrawing…which was made easier by the attention paid to her by a size 44 Long sport-coat (feel me).
As a Relationship Consultant for 15 years, it is a fact that the wrong actions can cause catastrophic damage to your relationship. But the opposite is true too.
No action can cause just as much damage as the wrong actions.
PAY ATTENTION!
In both instances, Lisa and Terrence were so preoccupied with their own will and ways that they did nothing to address the needs on their mate. It wasn’t that they were doing something wrong. It was that they weren’t doing anything at all! They were letting their mates’ pleas for more commitment and affection go unanswered.
In fairness, I’m sure Lisa had valid reasons why she didn’t call Derwyn; and Terrence could probably justified why he was so focused on Tory’s spending habits.
But if you want to sustain a relationship, you can’t dismiss your mate’s needs. You are, in effect, invalidating their existence. And no man or woman wants to be in a relationship when they feel like the core of who they are doesn’t matter to the one they’re trying to build a life with.
Look…I’m sorry that I don’t have a litany of key steps or multiple ways to do [abc or 123]. This short article is designed to provoke you into doing just one thing…regardless if you are married, engage, or dating: stop ignoring your mate and pay attention to their needs.
Consider this article as the peanut butter, beans, and cooking oil Heathcliff slathered on Theo’s face and made him repeat three times, “I will pay more attention to my woman.”
What do you need to do to pay more attention to your mate?
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