I was watching Preachers of Detroit, a show about six preachers in Detroit and their families. On episode 3, the wives and daughters of the pastors, Bishop Corletta Vaughn, and famous gospel singer/evangelist Dorinda Clark Cole were eating lunch at a restaurant. A ladies pow-wow of sorts.
The subject came up of women in ministry. Dorinda explained how her husband, being trusting and secure in who he is, makes their marriage work. She went on to say she respects him, honors him, and “submits to him…”.
“What does that mean?” Bishop Vaughn interrupts.
Excuse me? Bishop? Did you just ask what does submission mean?
After a lively discussion amongst the women, she continued,
“But you do know we are to submit one to another. So how does that look? I’m nervous about us always submitting to him and they not submitting to us.”
Over the years, I’ve heard Christian men and women echo “We are supposed to submit one to another” as the great biblical equalizer to the wife’s biblical instruction to submit to her husband. Internally, I’ve always said to myself, ’Yea…but there’s much more to it than that’.
So…after hearing Bishop Vaughn’s question, I determined I needed to clarify this controversy.
Apostle Paul’s Thesis
The famous quote she and others are referencing is Ephesians 5:21-22. “Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.” But to get proper context, you have to start at verse 15 and extend to the 9th verse of chapter six (reference these verses on your own).
The Apostle Paul is giving to the church at Ephesus instruction about how we should walk (i.e., govern ourselves) (v. 3-4), since we no longer walk in darkness but now walk in the light (v. 7-8).
His thesis is: Christians are to walk wisely (v. 15) and be filled in the Spirit (v. 18). This involves meditating and singing spiritual songs in your heart (v.19) giving thanks (v. 20), and submitting to one another (v. 21).
This is where some get tripped up…thinking that submitting to one another is different than wives submitting to their husbands. Not quite. It’s descriptive.
Paul answers Bishop Vaughn’s question, “how does that look”, by providing specific examples how to submit to one another based on your positional status. He starts with those who hold the positional status of wife and husband, then continues to the status of child and parent roles, and then employee/employer.
Wives and Husbands
Wives are to submit to their husbands just like the church submits to Christ (v. 22-24).
Husbands must submit to their wives by loving them like Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her (v. 25).
Paul expounds on how to do this to be clear on what submission looks like for the husband (v. 26-31). He touches on how the relationship between husbands and wives is symbolic of the relationship between Christ and the church (v. 32). He concludes by summarizing how husbands and wives should mutually submit to one another in their own respective way (v. 33).
Children and Parents
Next, Paul addressed how children and parent should submit to one another. Children, obey your parents. Honor your mother and father so that you might have a long life (v. 6:1-3).
Fathers submit to your children by not provoking them to anger (v. 4). In other words, don’t assert your will so much that your children are always angry because they never get their way. Be willing to submit to their requests without being a pushover.
Slave and Masters (Employers & Employees)
Lastly, Paul deals with how employers and employees should submit to one another. Employees, obey your employers not just when they’re watching you, but do it like you’re submitting to the Lord and not man (v. 5-6).
Employers, do the same thing; and stop threatening your employees. For, God is master over both you and your employees (v. 9).
The scripture is not saying, ‘Submit one to another. Wives submit to you husbands.’—like they’re two separate commands. Instead, it’s saying,
‘Submit one to another: wive submit to your husbands and husbands love your wives; children obey and honor your parents and parents don’t provoke your children to anger; and employee’s obey your employers like you’re submitting to the Lord and employers do the same thing and stop threatening your employees.’
As you can see, each relationship grouping has an inherent hierarchical structure. Yet, each person is still required to submit to one another. How one person submit will vary based on their positional status in the relationship.
But what blows me is…nobody will argue that an employee shouldn’t submit to their employer, or a child shouldn’t submit to their parent, or the church shouldn’t submit to Christ. But somehow, there’s this huge controversy over whether a wife should submit to her husband…when the church/Christ submission relationship is the very example used to describe the how they should submit to one another.
Our responsibility to walk wisely in the light and be filled in the Spirit is not contingent on our spouse, children, or employer/employee’s mutually submitting to us. So…for those who no longer walk in darkness, but walk in the light, whatever positional status you’re in, govern yourselves accordingly.
Follow
The biggest problem with why a woman submitting to her husband is an issue is because she is not a child or an employee of her husband, she is what makes him whole and complete and there is a huge difference because of that.
whenever I hear so called Christian men emphasizing submission of wives to their husbands I always know that there are selfish reasons behind that. Notice how they (men) never emphasize the selfless love they are mandated to have for their wives but always speak of their “headship” or their “servant leadership” over their wives. That’s why I take articles on submission of wives as a joke because if you read and understand Ephesians 5:25 (which most men skip over) the husband should be submitting to his wife more than she should be submitting to him. The husband should be doing majority of the sacrificing – not the wife. I truly laugh at all of these crafty liars. And the crazy part about it is that you actually have some women who cosign this mess…but, hey, it’s their choice!
What blows me is how so called Christians can compare employees and children to wives. I am NOT building a life with my boss nor do I have sex with him nor am I commanded to become one with my him. And I damn sure am not in the same category with a child who is a minor in the eyes of the law. So, again, how can you compare an employee/boss or child/parent relationship to that of husband and wife?
Also, children are not commanded to submit to their parents but rather they are told to obey their parents.
We need to stop lying to ourselves in calling ourselves christians when we can not look to, understand and follow what is clearly written in the bible and instead follow our own understanding Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding Ephesians 5:21- 28 is not the only place that shows the dynamics a marriage relationship should have but also 1 Corinthians 11:3 continues to not only show the responsibility of the man but also that of the woman even at the very beginning the creator made it clear on the reason why he was creating the woman In Genesis 2:18 The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a HELPER suitable for him. It up to you to make a choice of rejecting those things that can be counter cultural or look for more understanding on what the clearly says bible says.
“Christian men (and brainwashed women)” need to stop focusing on the words “HELPER” and “HEADSHIP”, lose the ego and selfish ways, and focus on what the Bible CLEARLY states for husbands to do which is to LOVE their wives. LOVE doesn’t equate to lead. Try reading 1st Corinthians 13. People love to cherry-pick scriptures!
Bless you hun