The subplot of the play was: Crys was in love with a drug dealer who promised her the world. But he cheated on her, lied to her, and broke her heart. Now dejected, Crys decided to give up on men and give women a try.

Skeeerrrt! Hold up! WTHot-sauce???

Given this was a play at youth retreat…by youth, I thought this was some high school type of stuff. So I asked my 21 year old heterosexual niece if that’s how some women are choosing to be lesbian.

“Yup…pretty much.”

She went on to talk about the apathy young women have at the lack of descent young men. So they’re choosing to give a woman a “try” to see if they can be happy.

Then I thought, maybe this is some Generation Y type of stuff. So I asked someone outside that demographic…someone married, in their 40’s, but still connected to single and married women. I asked my wife.

“Yeah…I can definitely understand that.”

Skeeerrrt! Wait a friggen minute! WTHam-sandwich???

I’m eye-squinting my wife now like ‘Shawty…you got somethin’ to tell me???’. As she further explained,

“…a woman would go to another woman after being hurt by a man because a woman understands another woman. And a woman would be more emotionally caring towards her than any man could ever be.”

Has it gotten this bad…that women are not so much running to another woman as much as they are running away from a bad man? Are women actually choosing a good woman over a bad man?

I need some oxygen. It’s worserer than I thought (yes…I just made up a word.
worserer [wur-sur-ur]. adj.: something that’s worse than the worse you initially thought).

Real talk. Over the last 45 years, the number of women choosing to leave their husbands, live together unmarried, or stay forever-single has increased 285% (www.stateofourunions.org/). These are epidemic size numbers. The struggle is real!

As men, we have to do better caring for our women emotionally. We need to learn how to provide what I call “emotional security”. It first starts with figuring out who you are as a man. Determine what qualities you want in a woman…and what qualities you have that will be a great asset for women.

Once you do this soul-searching, then you can endeavor to make a woman feel emotionally secure. Although emotional security looks different in every woman, it derives from four basic human needs to:
1) Be free — make her own choices,
2) Belong — feel like she’s apart of something (e.g., family, marriage),
3) Be loved — feel like someone with whom she belongs cares for her, and
4) Be accepted — feel like her voice and perspectives are heard and valued

3 out of 4 of these deal with how ‘she feels’…not your intentions on how you meant to make her feel. So carefully listening to her feedback and being flexible in your approach is key to making her feel secure.

The struggle is real for men too! These skills aren’t intrinsic to our past or culture. Learning how to do these things takes time…and practice. But if we could learn how to perfect how we best provide these emotional needs, then we could stop sending women running into the caring arms of another woman simply because our arms aren’t caring enough.

How do you provide…or want to receive…emotional security in a relationship?

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