SUBMISSION… is one of those dirty words in the bible that make women cringe…and distort their top lip. It triggers a guttural reaction. If you’re a woman, it’s likely, you’re reading this article to see how wrong I am…and thus, slay me in the comments section below.
And I understand why the notion of a wife submitting to a husband is grotesque to some. For three generations (60+ years), the traditional marriage structure in the African American community has decayed. It’s darn-near obsolete. It’s been replaced by single parent households, co-parenting situations, and same-sex marriages. For 60+ years, women have seen and experienced their grandmothers’, mothers’, and aunts-and-em’ run their families. During this time, men were truly…’rolling stones’. So…the idea that a man should be knighted as an authority-figure to submit to…a position he did not earn nor deserve…is absolutely ridiculous.
And for single women looking for a good quality Christian single man, the pickings have been slim for decades. Finding one with comparable accomplishments, who hasn’t dated too many people you know…is like going to a Nordstrom’s Rack shoe sale on Saturday night trying to find your size. You’re looking for a 9, but all they have left on the rack is a size 6 ½”…or the ugly shoes nobody wants.
Coming to Terms with Submission
But submission is a commandment that’s in the bible. So…if you’re a Christian wife, or want to be one, you have to come to terms with submitting to your husband. Not whether to do it…but how you do it.
Every Christian woman I’ve ever talked to has her own way of how she comes to terms with submitting. And every way is different. Based on me talking to these women…and me being married for 18 years, I’ve mastered this submission-thing. My wife submits to me as the head of our household…even though she’s 5-years older than me and has always made more money than me.
How did I get her to want to do it? Allow me to share with you who I am…so you can judge for yourself if I know what I’m talking about. Then, let me explain to the men three sure-fire way to make your wife…or future wife…want to submit to you. And if you’re a woman reading this, tell me if you agree or disagree with me in the comments.
3 Sure-Fire Ways to Make Your Wife Want to Submit to You
1. Have a Plan. When you proposed to your wife, you were essentially proposing your plan for your lives together. Whatever you said while on bended-knee, that’s what she’s saying “yes” to. So… you had better have a plan for how to make that happen-captain. Don’t return home from your honeymoon and be like, “Okay, we’re married now. Let me know if you need anything. Love youuuu!”
2. Your planning is more important than your plan. !IMPORTANT! Women ain’t stupid. They can manage their lives themselves. They can tell, by what you say and what you do, if your plan is gonna work or not. They also have very strong opinions on what’s wrong with it, how to fix it, and how to fix you. So…do not reject her input or dismiss their opinions because you’re too wedded to your plan. In your planning, you must include their input, expertise, and opinions about your plans, and you. For, their ideas might be better than yours.
3. Address her interests in your planning…before she does. If a woman knows you have her best interest in mind, she will be willing to trust you and follow your lead. Therefore, in your planning, make sure you address her needs, concerns, fears, and interest…before she does. You bring it up…not her! You don’t have to have the solutions to everything. But, addressing them in your planning before she does shows her that you understand and are concerned about the things that are important to her. If she feels you understand her concerns, then she’ll trust you and be willing to follow your lead.
#WednesdayWisdom
It’s a lot of work. But if you have a plan for how you’re going to create the life you proposed to her, include her input in your planning, and address her concerns before she does, then you’ve created the sure-fire environment that will make your wife want to submit to you.
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Omg this article is so on point and hits everything from point 1-3. And the very reason why I became frustrated with my boyfriend and why we are no longer together. Thank you for being honest and transparent.
Submission is not a dirty word; however, it’s the men who define it to suit themselves that make it a dirty word, constantly harping on the word leadership (or headship) and submission like those are the only two words in the bible. Submit, submit, submit, never have I heard the word so much in my life come from a culture of men who are not even worthy of it. The bible tells the husband to love his wife yet you don’t hear that emphasized enough. My father loved my mother until the day he passed away, which was 2 years ago. My parents were married 44 years. See the thing is we knew my father was the head of our family he had the respect of his family unlike men today they have to beg for it because they are jokers. I read articles like this and laugh at how men have to beg for respect from their wives. Sad world we live in indeed.
Jeanette, this article isn’t about men begging for respect. It’s about them earning it by doing the necessary things a good father and husband should do…like your dad did. But as you stated, dome men don’t know how to do that. Some men were never taught, saw a model of what to do, etc. But some of these men, when all else fails, will stake their flag on the “I’m the man of this house” hill, and pull the ‘submission card’. We agree that won’t work. So what is a Christian husband to do…absent of historical knowledge or experience of how to gain his wife’s respect and carry out his role and responsibility as the man in the relationship (whatever those roles and responsibilities are negotiated to be)? What we see is men faking it to make it. That’s what I did. But it was through my ignorance that I found out what my wife requires to gain my trust and respect is for me to learn how to be a better leader in order to handle all the things our family was going through. So I went back to school to study leadership. What I learn was how to better juggle the various things we had going on. As I grew, when it came time to handle my roles and responsibilities, my wife could trust me and actually want to submit to my plans. Why? Because I did what it took for her to feel secure. And that’s what these Christian men need to know how to do. Hence this article. So…while you and I agree that on the plight and perception of men dealing with submission in relationships, what you abhor is the development of getting men to the desired end-state were you think all men should already be. That’s fair. But if you believe so many men have it completely wrong, then I’d think you would want to encourage the change process for men getting it right.
Thanks for Jeanette your impassioned comments. I appreciate your support. I’m going to do better at responding to comments on my site.
Men of older generations had the respect of their wives not because they demanded but because they knew how to be husbands to their wives, not all, but many. As the saying goes “they don’t make them like thst anymore.” So many men long for women to cook, clean, etc. like their grandmothers did but they don’t deserve. You don’t get to be treated as the man of the house if the woman is doing all the heavy lifting. I don’t blame women for bucking against submission. They should not submit to a man who is focused on submission and leadership, instead of love. Love is the directive to him from God, not leadership. Taking the initiative and protecting his family is good but love should be his primary concern. Christian men need to stay in their lane.
And I’ve said it many times before and I’ll say it again…men can only lead (not exercise authority because they don’t have any authority over anyone but themselves and maybe their kids) if their wives ALLOW them to lead. Can’t lead if no one will follow. Christian men know this yet somehow they ignore this fact. If they would focus on love and mutual submission their marriages would be a lot better. Instead of all this selfish, egotistical crap that women aren’t putting up with. If you give more you may get more. It’s simple really.