My friend Pammela asked me to give my opinion on Mary J. Blige’s comment about not allowing each other to have friends of the opposite sex.

To get the context of her response correctly, the interviewer asked what the benefits of marrying one’s manager is. MJB’s response was, “…If one of you doesn’t want to talk about something right now, you have to respect that. And you have to respect each other’s space.” The Telegraph

So, it was in the context of respecting each other’s space that MJB was like, “All females for me, all guys for him. There’s none of that, ‘Oh, that’s my female friend. Oh, that’s my guy friend.’ No. Not in a marriage, I’ve never seen that work.” The Telegraph

I strongly agree!  When I first got married, I wanted to hang out with my friends like I did when I was single. My wife, on the other hand, had no interest of hanging out till 2am with my friends like I wanted to do. But she did something that I think saved our marriage: she hung out anyway. She didn’t want me around all those women…by myself… who knew I was married but didn’t care. Had she not been around, I would have created two personas: one when I was by myself and another when my wife was around. That unchaperoned persona would have led me into some compromising situations.

Let’s be real! The #1 reason MJB (and others) don’t want him to have female friends is because she doesn’t what him to cheat on her with some thirsty scandalous chicks. Even though she knows there’s no fool-proof way of preventing him, she’s trying to limit the risk of it happening. Here are 3 reasons why I think it’s healthy for married couples to mitigate the risk of cheating by restricting access of friends of the opposite sex (a friend is one who you know and/or hang out with socially outside of work without your spouse).

1. As I already mentioned, you’ll act one way when your spouse is around…but another way when she’s not around. It’s not that you’re being fake or acting different. You’re actually the same. But the side you show when your wife is not around would not be acceptable if she was standing right next to you. And that is dangerous because the sexual tension sparked by the forbidden fruit is tantalizing. And history is wrought with men and women that thought they were strong enough to resist the forbidden…ask Adam and Eve.
2. Let’s face it, MJB is sexy. But so are millions of other women. Just because she’s sexy doesn’t mean that…other women are not. Restricting other sexy women from having private access to your man helps limits the risk that he will cheat on you.
3. No matter how innocent things start out – helping a fellow student study for an exam, assisting a co-worker with a project, or working together in a church ministry – you might start catching feeling for her. The thing about feelings is…you can’t control them. You can control your emotions, which is how you respond to your feelings. But if you start falling in love with another woman, you can’t stop yourself. Yes, you can catch feelings for anyone, at anytime; and your spouse can’t control that. But putting restrictions on who has access to you and in what environment mitigates the risk of that happening.

There’s no 100% fool-proof way to stop your man or woman from cheating. But I think it is wise and healthy to institute some family standards, to which you both adhere, that reduce the risk of someone cheating. I’d rather have them and not need them, than not have them and find out too late that I needed them all along. We’ve got ours. You got yours?

What family standards do you have about relationships with the opposite sex?

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