Had I talked to Brian after his conversation with Jordan, I would have told him he didn’t understand which one of Maslow’s needs Jordan was talking about. I would have been like,
“B! When you said, “Sometimes I feel like you don’t need me”, you were looking for Jordan to address your #3 need for love and intimacy. But when she came back at you the way she did, she was basically saying, ‘I already satisfied my #2 need for safety, shelter, and financial security – so NO…I don’t need you for that. But I do want to be with you.’ Or she could have been saying, ‘I am already satisfying my #4 need for professional esteem, respect, and mastery – so NO…I don’t need you for that. But I do want to be with you.’ See what I’m saying?
Look, B. The bottom line is…Jordan doesn’t need you to fulfill a need she has already fulfilled or is already fulfilling herself. But she didn’t mean that she doesn’t want to be with you. Matter of fact, she’s got that #3 need for love and intimacy wide open. And you could be that dude that steps in and fulfills that. Know-what-I’m-sayin’! So you better stop playin’ and act like you know!”
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For me, I need a little bit of both. There’s nothing like being needed but not wanted. It can start to feel like you’re being used for your resources.