Your wife cooks her famous pot-roast for dinner. She’s got some potatoes, your favorite vegetable, corn bread, and your favorite beverage. You know you’re about to throw-down. You sit down. Take a nice huge fork-full of potatoes and roast. Shove it in your mouth and immediately your eyebrows furrow. The potatoes are bland. She used a different seasoning on the roast that completely threw off the taste. It tastes horrible. Your wife sees your face and asks you what’s wrong. You tell her that the food taste funny. She gets defensive and starts yelling, “No it doesn’t! Something is just wrong with your taste buds! I know I can cook!”
If she continued to blame your taste buds, would she be able to ultimately convince you that her pot-roast taste good? NO! Here’s why? Because she’s trying to mentally persuade you to accept a reality that you didn’t experience.
So too is a husband’s attempt to convince his wife that he is a good leader when the reality of her experience is to the contrary.
Husbands, answer me this one question…just between you and me: What is your wife’s experience of your leadership
Here’s a simple truth about humanity. We interact with people based on how we perceive them. If I think my wife is a liar…because I’ve experienced her lying numerous times in the past, then I’m going to interact with her like she’s a liar – regardless of how much she – or anybody else thinks she’s telling the truth. To me, she’s a no-good liar! If my wife believes I am being deceptive…for whatever reason – right or wrong… if she thinks I’m being sneaky and hiding things from her, then she’s going to interact with me like I’m being deceptive – even if I’ve never hidden anything from her in my life. I could be the most transparent with her than I’ve ever been with any other woman…including my momma. But if she doesn’t believe me…if she doesn’t trust me – for whatever reason…justified or not – then she’s going to interact with me accordingly.
Here’s the reality about a husband’s leadership I’m trying to get men to come to grips with: The quality of your leadership is determined by your wife…not you! We can boast about how great a leader we are. But if our wives don’t think so…then they will interact with us as the leader they perceive us to be.
That may not seem fair! That might not seem right! Your wife might be certifiably crazy and her judgment completely off-center. That may be true. But the woman you asked to marry you…whose judgment you now question…she is the only one that has the right to judge your husbandry and leadership. And frankly, it doesn’t matter if another woman esteems you higher – she’s not your wife…playa.
So before we start claiming how great a leader we are as husbands, let’s first find out what our wives think of our leadership. For their opinions are the only ones that count!
And here’s how you can do it…without embarrassing yourself.
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