The Shutdown is here. And it looks like it’s going to stay well past the 2-days I was hoping for. The good part about it is…I get a chance to get something done off my to-do list. Another good part is…this isn’t my fault. Meaning, whatever is about to happen…I didn’t cause it. Therefore I don’t have to operate from a position of guilt, or regret, or whatever. I have to keep this in mind because when my wife, Bernie, starts asking me questions…questions I don’t have answers to…I don’t have to respond defensively like she’s blaming me. But I do have to have an answer…even if the answer is, “I don’t know the answer to that yet.”
If you read my last article, Living Pay Check-To-Pay Check? 8 Strategies For Surviving GVT Shutdown, then you already know I have some strategies for what to do in case the shutdown lasts for more than two days. Now it’s time to put that plan into action.
To My Single and Married Men…
Here’s how you lead as a man and husband in this kind of crisis. No, you didn’t ask…but I’m telling you anyway. Because 1) you’d never ask, and 2) there’s an epidemic of men in relationships that don’t show proper consideration for their wives or their roles and responsibilities as a man and a husband. And I’m purposed to rectify that.
Just last night, I implemented strategy #8 Give Frequent Updates. Bernie came home with a bunch of questions and concerns.
“What are we going to do about [this]…” What are we going to do if [that]…”. I listened.
“Here’s what we’re going to do…”, I repeatedly responded. I then share with her strategies #4 Cancel Gym Membership, #6 Pay (some) Bills, and #7 Don’t Pay Bills From Savings. She added some other ideas I hadn’t thought of.
“That’s a good idea…I didn’t think of that. I’m going to do that to.”
We talked some more. Her tone ranged from animated to exasperated. Blaming the Republicans (or as she calls them…the Re-dumb-licans)…worried about the money…her job…and so. I didn’t try to calm her down…that’s a fleeting effort. I let her be in those emotions. But my tone was calm. I remained deliberate and reassuring – free from a defensive posture, because she wasn’t blaming me. Even though I didn’t have answers to all her questions – and I couldn’t just ‘fix it’, the response I kept repeating most was, “Here’s what we’re going to do.” We talked some more and then we seamlessly transitioned to another topic…with her resting back to a calm emotional state.
Men,
- Avoid Panic…Plan It. I had a plan. It didn’t matter that my plan was incomplete. But I HAD A PLAN. Women want to know that you are…scratch that…that you have been thinking about this. My friend Allison Simmons said it best, “We need to hear your voice in the mist of uncertainty…when we don’t trust the situation.” Get a plan! Use or adapt my 8 strategies to get you started.
- Communicate The Plan. She won’t know it if she doesn’t hear it. Explain it in words that you are good at expressing confidently. Don’t try using blanket-phrases like,”I got this” or “I’ll handle it”. BULL! How do you ‘got this’? How will you ‘handle it’? That’s what she wants to know. That’s what will allay her concerns. Because, know, she’s already mulling over 17 different strategies in her head. And if she doesn’t trust your track record for ‘handling it’…do I have to explain how the rest of this shutdown is going to go for your household.
- Take Responsibility. ALWAYS start off by telling her what you are going to do. That’s why you need a plan…so you can tell her what your role and responsibilities will be. This shows initiative and leadership. NEVER ask her, “What do you think I/we should do?” She’s probably has an answer…but she’s now irritated at you because you don’t! Now her confidence in your ability to handle this whole shutdown is called into question. And she will side with her trust in herself…over her lack of trust and confidence in you…all the time.
- Control (pre-determine) Your Emotions. Emotions will likely run the gamut during this shutdown. It’s okay to be concerned, unsure, or even afraid. Those feelings are natural. But how you respond to those feelings is what defines your emotions. Feelings cannot be controlled. Emotions can. Feel what you need to feel. But decide, in advance, how you’ll respond to those feelings. Choose to be resolute, determined, focused. Ignite in you, a dogmatic attitude that ‘whatever happens, I’m going to make sure my family is okay!”
Your plan. What is it? Share great ideas on how we can get through this shutdown ‘okay’.
Ladies, send this to the men in your life that will benefit from this article. And ask them to like my FB page to get more articles like this. Thank you.
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