One thing I don’t do is watch Love & Hip-Hop Atlanta. But my lunch-time crew at work does. They talk about it in such detail that I feel like I watch it. Nonetheless, when I found out that some chic, Joseline, asked her boyfriend, Stevie J, to marry her…I can’t say I was totally surprised given the carnage of drama I hear unfolds on that show, but my eyebrows did raise.
Since I don’t watch the show, I won’t comment on what I think about Joseline proposing to Stevie J. But I do have a definite opinion on whether it’s okay for a woman to propose to man. ABSOLUTELY NOT!
First of all, I am a Christian. My religious beliefs dictate who should be proposing to whom. But let’s say you don’t care about traditional male/female roles prescribed a million years ago. Let’s say you’re more accepting of progressive interchangeable roles in a relationship. Fine! Now let me tell you why that’s still a failing proposition.
As the initiator of the relationship, you bear the responsibility of maintaining it. You are the one initially providing leadership. You are the one proposing what life will be like married to you. And that proposal will either be accepted or rejected based on the merit and credibility of your word. So when a man proposes to a woman, and she accepts, he is expected to follow through with creating that life. He is expected to continue leading.
But when the wife feels he is falling short of what he proposed, and every wife eventually feels that way, women would love for their man to be strong enough, sensitive enough, responsible enough, and man enough to take the relationship by the horns and fix it. After all, he’s the one that started this train in motion in the first place.
Now some women would respond and say “Well…women are the ones who usually end up fixing things when their men mess up anyway …so what difference does it make?” And to that I say, “That’s why you’re mad about it! Because you are the ones that have to come in and fix it.” See, the expectation is that, ‘man, you asked for this, so you are the one responsible for dealing with and handling it.’ But when the man doesn’t deal with or handle it – whatever “it” is – the woman feels resentful, frustrated, and irritated that she has to take over and handle it herself. I am confident, had she known she would be the one responsible for being the leader of her relationship, she would have had second thoughts about saying yes in the first place.
The issue is never – ‘can she handle it’. Because women are just as capable as men, if not more so, to handle the issues life brings. And any good woman is willing to share the load with her man. But it’s the fact that she ‘has to handle it’…or that she ‘has to carry the whole load’ because he can’t, isn’t, or she doesn’t trust him to do so. And I willing to bet there are millions of married woman living with unreliable husbands that agree.
So if a woman wants to ask a man to marry her…GOOD LUCK. Because you have just taken on the role of leader in the relationship, and thus are responsible for it. So when Stevie J starts acting up, or messing up, or mucking up…as I hear he often does…Joseline, it’s your responsibility to fix it…because he didn’t ask you for this marriage – you did.
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