Previously on 7 Days of Sex:
“…Several times throughout the day, Bernie came down from her office (upstairs) to my office (downstairs) to check in on me. I think that lightened the mood…at least for me.”
“…while she was making her dinner, I flirted with her”
“…So after she finished making dinner, I asked her if she wanted to venture to the boudoir chambers.”
“…We brought up some things that were left unsaid the night before.”
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Day 6
We went to church after work today for mid-week service. The pastor was talking about grieving…and how important it is to go through the grieving process in order to properly heal emotionally. In speaking about how some people put up barriers to prevent anyone from getting too close to them, he said “…they want to let you in [their heart], but pushing people away is just their habit.” Bernie turned to me and said, “Remember that.”
On our way home in the car, I asked her what she meant. She explained (picking up on Day 4’s conversations) that she wanted to have sex with me, but pushing me away was a habit she practiced because growing up in church all her life instilled in her that sex was always something that you shouldn’t do. She said that it’s a bad habit that she’s going to work on. And this idea of having sex everyday would probably help her get past that.
We talked some more on the way home. This time, I felt that we could be even more open with each other without any retribution. I was able to share with her some feelings I had been exploring since we started this experiment. She was very receptive. Mostly, what I realized was after 16 years of marriage, friendship and connectivity is just as…if not more important to me than having sex. And privately, I’ve been feeling lately that we have…not been growing apart…but sort of – not growing together (if that makes since). We both have our individual interests and pursuits that don’t overlap as much as they use to. And there was a since of acceptance about that, which was stagnating our friendship and connectivity. And that was making me feel some-kinda-way.
We talked some more…sharing our hearts (that sounds so mushy). But it was needed. I think we are starting to put the pieces together for our pathway forward.
Even though we got home late and didn’t go to bed until after 11:00, we were both down to closeout Day 6 of this experiment appropriately.
Day 7
On, Day 7, we were like two ships passing in the night. Bernie had rehearsal at church. I got home from work about 30 minutes before she had to leave. So there went any early intimacy. She didn’t get home until approximately 10:30 pm (there goes that pattern again). We talked about how both our days went while she was getting her stuff ready for work the next day. Next thing you know, it’s 11ish. All that’s left to do is to check the box…and go to bed. Sometimes it just be’z like that. But that’s okay, because I think we had a breakthrough and got what we needed out of this experiment on day 6.
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Keep me posted Brother…..with children, I don’t know about that one:)
Veanie, It can be done. See my response to Allison’s post below. You and Mr. Cook can work it out. LOL
Great post! Been thinking about aspects of this . . . laughing at Davina’s comment! As a fellow parent, it is a challenge in a house with kids! Not impossible, but a 007 challenge! LOLOL!
Of the 3 episodes I watched, there was at least 1 couple in every episode that had children. And they ranged from 1 – 18. They made it work. It was tricky tho. One couple had to buy a lock for their bedroom door and shared bathroom to prevent their 8 yr old son from coming in their room. It helped the mom deal with her attachment issues. And it helped the son learn that he can self sooth and stay in his room without having to come run to mom all the time. So it doable…tricky…but doable.
Yes that was Matthew!!!!
I think it’s great for couples to work on their intimacy while addressing other relationship issues. Like you said sex doesn’t make a marriage, but it certainly helps. And this is something that my husband and I have always kept in mind from the beginning.
Yes it does K. Elizabeth. This is also proving to require us to spend quality time together…not just in the bedroom but leading up to the bedroom.
Now this heading has me reading! LOL. Now that’s what I’m talking about – EVERYDAY!
LOL. The Wiggins have to do some out of the box things to improve our marriage. The regular marriage workshop stuff won’t cut it over here. We’re trying to take it to the next level. And it’s working.
As you know, I am currently single and struggling to be satisfied. I’m a Lady in Waiting, However, I enjoy reading your blog and have encouraged many of my married friends to subscribe. I’m so proud of you and Bernie. I Pray God blesses me with a Love like yours.
Thanks Felicia. I appreciate you support. Praying that your waiting status will change soon.
i think im going to talk to hubby about trying this. only thing is we got 5 kids and a grandma in the house. on top of that he works 10 to 12 hour hour days 5 days a week sometimes more that in it self is gon b a problem.