Previously on 7 Days of Sex:
“…After a long day, we went to a birthday party that night.”
“…I banged my left elbow at the birthday party…Every position I tried to get into…OUCH! I never knew how critical one’s elbow is to having sex.”
“…Let’s just say, we technically had sex that night.”
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Day 4
I started to see a pattern. When we have sex earlier in the day, everything is great. But the closer we get towards bedtime, the sexual experience steadily declines. So I was determined to get an earlier start today.
My wife had a busy day. She had to sing at church and then run errands afterward. When she got home around 7:30 pm, she had to prepare her dinner (I ate earlier). I would have prepared it for her but she requires it be made a certain way…and I can’t figure it out. So I didn’t want to waste money preparing food in a way she wouldn’t like
It’s getting late. I wanted to stay up and watch my Sunday night TV lineup. But I decided to cut that short. So I turned off the TV and went upstairs. Bernie was watching TV in bed. When her show ended, it was around 11:00. She rolled over to go to sleep. “Oh no!”, she said exasperatedly.
“What…you forgot we’re supposed to have sex?” I responded.
This led to the beginning of a much needed conversation about sex and its role in our marriage. To her, sex is like a task. It’s an item on her to-do list. “I gotta go grocery shopping. I gotta pay bills. I gotta have sex.” To her, there’s no difference. Growing up in church her whole life has something to do with it too. Sex was always something that you shouldn’t do. And she has brought that deeply ingrained ideology into marriage. I mean, cognitively she knows that doesn’t apply to her…because she’s married. But emotionally, there is a direct correlation to sex and forbidden behavior.
It was already late…and getting later. And Bernie wanted to shutdown the convo and get to the sex-part — so we could check that box for the night. But I was on a completely different plain. As I explained to her, if I just wanted sex, I could get that from you anytime. But one of the purposes of this experiment is for us to do the things that make each person want to have sex with the other — not just check a box so we can say we did it.
I saw we weren’t going to resolve it that night. It was too late. And at that point, I wasn’t in the mood to check that box. So I left it up to her to get me in the mood or leave that box unchecked. To her credit, she tried. But there were so many topics that were brought up, and left open…and topics that I wanted to discuss…I couldn’t shut my mind off and concentrate on the moment. So we mutually agreed to leave that box unchecked for the night.
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NEXT TIME on 7 Days of Sex:
“…Several times throughout the day, Bernie came down from her office (upstairs) to my office (downstairs) to check in on me. I think that lightened the mood…at least for me.”
“…while she was making her dinner, I flirted with her”
“…So after she finished making dinner, I asked her if she wanted to venture to the boudoir chambers.”
“…We brought up some things that were left unsaid the night before.”
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Keep me posted Brother…..with children, I don’t know about that one:)
Veanie, It can be done. See my response to Allison’s post below. You and Mr. Cook can work it out. LOL
Great post! Been thinking about aspects of this . . . laughing at Davina’s comment! As a fellow parent, it is a challenge in a house with kids! Not impossible, but a 007 challenge! LOLOL!
Of the 3 episodes I watched, there was at least 1 couple in every episode that had children. And they ranged from 1 – 18. They made it work. It was tricky tho. One couple had to buy a lock for their bedroom door and shared bathroom to prevent their 8 yr old son from coming in their room. It helped the mom deal with her attachment issues. And it helped the son learn that he can self sooth and stay in his room without having to come run to mom all the time. So it doable…tricky…but doable.
Yes that was Matthew!!!!
I think it’s great for couples to work on their intimacy while addressing other relationship issues. Like you said sex doesn’t make a marriage, but it certainly helps. And this is something that my husband and I have always kept in mind from the beginning.
Yes it does K. Elizabeth. This is also proving to require us to spend quality time together…not just in the bedroom but leading up to the bedroom.
Now this heading has me reading! LOL. Now that’s what I’m talking about – EVERYDAY!
LOL. The Wiggins have to do some out of the box things to improve our marriage. The regular marriage workshop stuff won’t cut it over here. We’re trying to take it to the next level. And it’s working.
As you know, I am currently single and struggling to be satisfied. I’m a Lady in Waiting, However, I enjoy reading your blog and have encouraged many of my married friends to subscribe. I’m so proud of you and Bernie. I Pray God blesses me with a Love like yours.
Thanks Felicia. I appreciate you support. Praying that your waiting status will change soon.
i think im going to talk to hubby about trying this. only thing is we got 5 kids and a grandma in the house. on top of that he works 10 to 12 hour hour days 5 days a week sometimes more that in it self is gon b a problem.