#WednesdayWisdom #025: 7 Super Important Non-Traditional Things Single Men Need to Know in Looking For a Woman

I’m pro-relationships. As a relationship consultant for 16 years, I coach, teach, and cheer for successful happy relationships every day.

But in 2016, for single men…picking a woman is not a top priority. Not like it used to be in the late 1940’s thru the 1970’s.

The increased divorce rate over the last 70 years…and the subsequent dismantling of the traditional family structure…have slowed men’s desire to pursue committed relationships down to a trickle. Single men are more focused on getting their careers and money straight…over picking a woman.

Careers & Money over Relationships (why I don’t recommend it)

It’s not what I would recommend, based on what I learned about single-life and married-life. Because it might cause more long-term problems than necessary.

Before I got married, life was all about me…and gettin’ mine. When I found the woman I wanted to marry, my focus shifted outward. I became more others-centered. After I got married, I realized there’s a difference in shifting my focus vs. shifting my behavior. I had to add to my character specific attributes and qualities I didn’t have when I was single. I essentially had to become another person.

I ultimately became a better…more well-rounded person. But it wasn’t easy. However, because I loved my wife, I was willing to do the hard rewarding work.

Single men focusing on your careers and your money…the longer you take to shift your focus…and subsequently shift your behavior, the more stuff you have to shift. And the harder it gets to shift it because you’re too attached. I’ve found that some men would rather give up their relationships than shift because it’s too much work…or it’s too hard.

But what they don’t know is…

It’s through this process of shifting your focus and behavior…and it’s to this more well-rounded person…that God reveals his purpose.

And if you think switching your old girl for a new one will make it easier, it won’t. The process of shifting is the same. You just have to shift different stuff. But now you’re older…with more stuff.

7 Super Important Non-Traditional Things

Even though I don’t recommend that approach, I can’t force single men into doing what they’re not ready to do. So, in the meantime, from one married man of 18 years to a single brother, here are 7 super important non-traditional things you need to know in looking for a woman.

1. Emotional Intelligence. This is your ability to manage your own needs and emotions (self awareness), as well as the needs and emotions of others (others awareness).

• Self-Awareness – Knowing who you are is important because you need to know what kind of woman best compliments you.
• Others-Awareness – Think…bull in a china shop. Know the impact your actions and decisions have on the people around you. You don’t want to inadvertently damage and trample over her feelings and concerns (her china) just by being yourself (a bull).

2. Learn How to Care. Doing something nice for a woman doesn’t mean you care about her feelings and concerns. It just means you’re nice. Expand your niceties to the level of actually caring about another woman’s feelings.

3. Practice on Other Women. Practice what? Practice how to show respect. How to date. How to communicate/listen. How to cook. How to care for someone else’s feeling other than your own. You don’t have to date them. I practiced on my female co-workers and friends at church. (It just so happened that I married one the women I was practicing on at work…but that’s beside the point.)

4. Ask For Feedback from Other Women. The next time you’re out with a group of mixed-sex, ask them “If you were to hook me up with one of your friends, what would you say is a good quality I have and what quality do I need to improve?” Have each person ask this question about themselves for the group answer. This will spark a lively discussion. Most importantly, it will give you great feedback about how women see you and what things you need to work on.

5. Date Several Women at a Time. Yes I said it! This will let you know what type of woman you don’t want. Now…in full disclosure, don’t have sex or be in a committed relationship with any of them. Just date them.

6. Looks Don’t Matter. They really don’t! Look…if Jay-Z can allegedly cheat on Beyonce, and if Hallie Berry and Janet Jackson can get divorced 3-times, then looks don’t matter. Good looks can start a relationship, but they can NEVER sustain it. As hard as it may be, don’t focus on her body or how good she looks.

7. Focus on How She Makes You Feel. Identify those women who make you feel like…’I want to make her happy’. Whoever they are…if you find yourself changing things about yourself just to make her happy, that’s your group of women you need to choose from to pick your woman.

#WednesdayWisdom

In 2016, single men’s priority isn’t about picking a woman. It’s about getting their careers and money straight. But what they don’t know are these 7 super important non-traditional things they need to know when they start looking for a woman.

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