By Allison Simmons

At the beginning of 2014, my husband gave me a great gift.  He asked me to kneel down and pray with him.  At first, I was hesitant.  His expression was rather pensive and I wasn’t sure of WHERE the prayer was going to lead us.  But something told me to accept his offer.

As we held hands, my husband began to thank God for getting us through 2013 and allowing us to have a wonderful holiday season.  Then, he began to express how wonderful it was to start a new year without feelings of “Thank GOD that year is over!” or “Good riddance!” He was truly jubilant about the possibilities of 2014.  The prayer was one of simplicity, honesty and hopefulness.

I smiled and realized what a great gift my husband had given me.  In my mind, the prayer functioned as a family proclamation that this year would start off on a positive note.  I was so thankful to him for initiating the prayer and following through with such candor and transparency.  In that wonderful moment he showed himself a strong, yet sensitive leader.

As 2014 kicks off, I felt the desire to share my thoughts on the gift and importance of prayer in a marriage:

Prayer Facilitates Communication.  During the early days, our marriage was often too volatile to open up to praying with each other.  Over the years, wisdom has set it and we have learned that, even if there is tension, prayer provides a diffused space where thoughts can be more safely shared.  Although it CAN happen, it is kind of hard to fight during prayer!

Prayer Facilitates Understanding.  There are times when I look at my spouse and want to say “What in the world . . .?”  But, I have discovered that if you are patient and wise enough to pray with each other, you will often get a better understanding as to why your spouse is acting the way he/she is!  Don’t judge the prayer; just listen to the heart.

Prayer Facilitates Revelation.  Many, many years ago, there was a challenging moment when my husband asked me to pray over him – and it was a huge problem for me.  Why?  Because I was so angry at him that the thought of prayer with him, much less over him, made me want to spit.  BUT . . . even in the heat of my aggression and anger, what his request revealed to me was the level of his brokenness at that time.  The question was how was I to respond? Moments like this will not only reveal things about your spouse, but also about YOU.

Prayer Facilitates an Open Heart.  The story above, about praying over my husband, illustrates another important point:  prayer softens a wounded and angry heart.  It was in the moment of his asking that I realized just how much he needed it – regardless of how I was feeling about him at that moment.  Did I do it?  Yes, yes I did.  It was a real “WWJD” moment.

Prayer Facilitates Intimacy.  I don’t know about you, but for me, praying together is more intimate than sex.  Some will share their bodies but not share their darkest secrets or fears with anyone.  But for those who do pray, they share some, if not all, of these things with God.  Many times, deep fears or confessions that my husband has had on his mind are exposed during our prayer time. It was as if whatever he could not speak to me, he COULD allow me to listen to as he conversed with God.  When that does happen, it is an awesome moment where I feel have been granted direct access to the issues of my husband’s heart.  A husband’s heart is not always easily accessible!  Consider it a privilege and don’t discourage it when it happens.

Every time I give in to a prayer moment, I learn something new and vital about its power.  It is my prayer and hope that anyone reading this will consider making prayer with their spouse a high priority in 2014.  Happy New Year!

Is it really important to you to pray with your spouse or mate?

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