In apartment 203, they are having their first dinner party. They’re doing real grown up stuff now! Married less than a year, Tony (28) and Keisha (27) Williams invited some friends over for a Saturday night soiree. The theme is ‘Pink is the New Black’. So fresh dressed like a million bucks…10 of their new and old friends cram into their small two bedroom apartment to chat and sip the night away.
One of the couples invited was the Collins’. Greg (38) and Davia (39), also married less than a year, met the Williams at the gym they all attend. This is their first time hanging out together outside of the post spin-class convo the ladies have, and the sports debates the fellas have at the free-weight station.
As the evening and the sipping goes on, the conversation eventually turns to marriage. “I couldn’t have gotten married at 27…guuurl.” Is how Davia kicks it off. “Ten years ago…married? Uh uh!”
She went on about how she wasn’t ready…the guy she was dating at the time wasn’t ready…how guys were either too immature, too stupid, or too broke. And the things she learned about herself in her late 20s and early 30’s really helped her grow and mature so she could handle the responsibilities and sacrifices it takes to be married.
“Welll…I just knew I was ready to settle down.” Tony replies. “I want to have kids soon; and when I first met Keisha, I knew I could possibly spend the rest of my life with her.”
“Ahhhhhh…” all the ladies said simultaneously.
“Maaan…whatever! Greg interrupts…to the laughter of the room. “I wasn’t nowhere near ready to settle down at 27…30…33…or whatever number comes next when you add 3 to it!” Someone in the crowd yells out 36. “I know…genius! I was making a point ova-heeerrreee! The crowd laughs.
“Maaan…I had to do my thang!!!” he continues. “Feel me! [he was talking about playing the field] Plus I had to get my money right before I even thought about settling down. Now I’m good! I bought a house…a truck…my daughter is taken care of. That’s when I rolled up on Davia like…you tryna do this or what?”
“Shut up…boooy!”, Davia replies while hitting him on his shoulder and laughing.
Keisha chimes in, “I don’t know!?!? I always wanted to be married. I imagined myself as this young cool mom to my kids. Married. Working. The whole nine. Weren’t you afraid you might get set in your ways if you waited too long to get married?” she asks both Greg and Davia.
All of a sudden…CRASH!!!. Someone knocks over a glass on the table. The red wine is rolling like Niagara Falls towards the edge of the table…threatening the rug beneath.
Keisha jumps up and runs to the kitchen to get a paper towel. Someone in the crowd makes a joke about it. And the conversation shifts. By the time Keisha finished cleaning up the wine…the moment has passed. She never got an answer to her question.
So tell me. How would you answer Keisha’s question? Are you with #TeamWilliams, who finds more value in marrying early and growing through the throws of life together? Or are you with #TeamCollins, who finds more value in marrying later so you can mature and gain financial stability before settling down with someone else. Which team are you on (and keep in mind that I’m talking about your beliefs…not your current relational status; because your beliefs and your current relational status may differ)?
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Although I really feel like I may not be on either side, I have to say that if anything, I’m in the middle. I do not think I was ready to marry in my early 20’s at all. I didn’t really come into knowing myself until after I was 25. This year, I will be 28 and I’m engaged. My fiance and I have steady income, our own homes (although apartments) and own cars. I don’t think I would have to wait until my 30s to be “established;” however, I never wanted to be a young mom either. I’m getting married because my fiance is the love of my life. Neither of us wants kids right now, but we do want to begin our lives together.
Great point FabEllis. Although I agree you’re in the middle, it sound like you and your fiance are on the lower end of the middle because…guess what…you’re getting married earlier than later. I’d put him ahead of you though. He’s the one that’s actually ready and wanting to get married because he proposed. Any you’re also ready because you said yes. But if you were like Davia, you wouldn’t even be dating anyone who you could consider marrying at 28.